• Fahima H.

Learning how to say "no" and setting healthy boundaries.

I had a very hard time saying “no” I felt guilty, as if I did something wrong. A lot of the time I would say yes, when I was not in a position to do so. I was stretching myself too thin and I would put my own needs and wants in the back burner. I know I am not alone in this because a lot of people including some of my clients have a hard time saying no and as a result they jeopardize their comfort and bring on unnecessary stress to themselves. Many people relate saying no to being confrontational and in order to avoid confrontation they say yes. They feel that they have to say yes because they don’t want to be rude, they care so much about what the others think of them. They want to be loved and don’t want to let anyone down. Saying no is okay, sometimes it’s necessary and needed for your own mental well being. You have got to keep in mind that whenever you say yes to others, you are saying no to yourself, you are choosing the happiness and comfort of others over your own. Saying no does not make you a bad person, it means that you are respecting yourself and putting your own well being first and that is needed and necessary. Those that love you will understand and respect your boundaries.

You have got to ask yourself this before you say yes to something, “is saying yes going to make me neglect my priorities? By saying yes, will it bring stress into my life and affect my mental well being? Is saying yes going to make me feel uncomfortable, am I saying yes to something I disagree with or rather not be involved with? If you answered yes to these, then you have to say no. If others make you feel guilty for saying no or try to manipulate you into saying yes, they are taking advantage of you and are selfishly thinking of themselves and dismissing your feelings and needs. Saying no enables you to take your power back, you dictate your life, you are in control. You are creating boundaries and respecting yourself. Furthermore you are sending the message to others that no one can guilt you or make you do anything that you do not want to do. Saying no is a form of self love and self care. We are trained to place others needs above our own. Let’s remember that our needs and boundaries are just as worthy.

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